Suck It

sick

Sun, 08 Oct 2006 03:45:49 GMT

*better now*

Don't read this if you are related to me, or don't want to think of me in "that way"

Thu, 16 Feb 2006 06:27:46 GMT

I struggled with myself for all of five minutes while deciding if I should post. Then it occured to me that my target audience is the ether anyway, so I should post to my heart's content.

I, believe it or not, have the glow of someone that just came.
Because I did.
And it was awesome.

Theres something to be said for taking matters into your own hands. Stressful day? Relax, put on some Sade, and lay yourself down by the fire. It doesnt mean you are lonely and desperate and will never get laid again. Even if you can't walk for all the underwear being thrown at you, sometimes its just the perfect thing to do. No talking, no foreplay. You don't want to hear about your own day. You don't care that you are tired, or that you've still got your socks on. Its just pure desire, with none of the responsibility or hassle. Jacking off is the new black, baby.

DISCLAIMER: Sure, this privlege of the flesh can be abused. Each little pleasure may just bring you one thrust closer to MMORPGs or even a full fledged LAN party. But anything worth doing can have negative consequences. It's just the way it goes.

Fri, 10 Feb 2006 09:57:31 GMT

I'm in bed, probably too close to sleep to be typing. I just realized I missed a bunch of locked posts on my friends list because I wasnt signed in. and they were posts that really mattered, as much as lj posts can at any rate. But it makes me wonder if the way my life has turned out isn't because of things like that. Could I be the victim of a series of random yet unfortunate coincidences? Are we all? Or was Candide right, and this is in fact the best of all possible worlds?

Lily is watching me as I type this. Big puppy eyes, sleepily staring at me as if to say that its too late to be philosophical. I think shes right.

5 Times My Life Could Have Gone Either Way
or 5TMLCHGEW, for short.

1. lets start from the beginning. I was born with the umbilical cord wrapped around my neck. If anything, its proof that I come by my self destructive tendencies honestly.

2. IQ tests say genius, the teachers shit their collectvie pants in glee. Before they could ship a 3rd grade me into high school classes, my mom vetoes the decision. She wants me to have a normal childhood. Thats the kind of laugh that doesn't reach your eyes, but maybe she made the right choice. You might get a different answer every time you ask me.

3. I wasn't about to lose my virginity to that fuck up.

4. I got acceptance letters from TWU and Agnes Scott before I even thought about applying to Lamar. Guess where I ended up.

5. I'm sleepy but still typing, dammit.

Okay, maybe the last one was a bit gimmicky. But still. This isn't even counting all the little choices, the small missteps, or times I let fear get the best of me. Oh man, I don't even want to think about the times fear won. Fuck.

Sun, 05 Feb 2006 06:14:31 GMT

I'm typing this from the Log, on my swank new notebook. This happy moment is only slightly marred by some paunchy working type belting out"I am just a cowboy". Theres nothing Brokeback to it, I've just never understood the machismo of cowboys. They've always seemed pretty swishy to me. Bandanas. Thats all I'm saying.

B to the I to the R to the - oh fuck it.

Tue, 24 Jan 2006 05:55:17 GMT

Tomorrow will be my birthday. Yep, the big 2 - 3. I can't really say I'm looking foward to it, as things have been shit lately and I have nothing planned. Maybe I'll wake up tomorrow and it will be all unicorns and rainbows. Or at least cold Coke and oral sex. Can't a girl dream?

Life's Little Pleasures

Wed, 18 Jan 2006 08:31:54 GMT

Welcome to another installment of my wildly popular bi-whenever feature, Life's Little Pleasures. Okay, I'm lying. This is the first one. What, am I chained to this thing? Anyway, here we go.

Fresh from the Dryer Underwear

Oh yes I used caps. Be you lad or lass, nothing says comfort like a warm crotch. Really, try it. Get a nice comfortable pair of panties. Pop them in the dryer. Wait a about 5 minutes, 10 if you are feeling frisky, and put them on as soon as decency allows. Actually, fuck decency. Decency is best left to those that are in no way interested in enjoying life. I don't care if you are in a crowded laundromat with the Pope, drop trou and enjoy. Seriously, its like angels smiling radiantly upon your naughty bits. If angels were the type to do that sort of thing... Or, you know, real. I'm looking at you, Pope.

Age Inappropriate Candy

Pixie Stix have not made the transition to adulthood with me, but fuck all if I'm going to leave them behind. I don't know the exact moment when certain candy becomes ridiculous, but if you have ever seen a crusty raver slobbing on a Ring Pop, you know there is one.

Really Bad Guys I'll Never Meet

You know whats so rocktastic about the current administration? I can fucking hate them, and not feel the least bit bad about it. I honestly don't think I could dislike them more if you told me they regularly dine on kitty fetuses and live bunnies. See, I don't know what really twisted shit happened to them to make them think they could be such assholes. Its way easier to hate a concept of someone than to actually hate some poor pathetic bastard that grew up brainwashed. In fact, there are actually people I know in life that I could probably hate guilt free if I didn't know what a sad life they have. As is, I just feel sorry for them.

So if things are looking dire (trolling livejournal? pretty fucking dire, I'd say) you should totally try this stuff. Particularly the panties thing. and send pics.

Fri, 11 Nov 2005 07:07:42 GMT

I'm back home now, and I look foward to putting that whole mess behind me. Daily, mundane things have a way of seaming themselves together and sometimes you can almost think that things never happened. Pretend with me, okay? Lets save the re-hash for another day. I'll leave it at this; I'm glad to be home, and I am glad you are reading this. Two very awesome things. I hope that doesn't sound dismissive. It isn't how I mean it, I just think I will have to be in a different mood to pound the page on that subject, you know?

I watched All the King's Men today, an old black and white based on the book of the same title. It had me seeing corruption around every corner. I read the book in high school, but its really one of those books that demands a re-read. I'm not certain the Melissa of yesteryear appreciated it as much as I might now. I'm glad the movie stayed true to Sadie. She was such a badass.

Thu, 22 Sep 2005 14:20:34 GMT

Change of plans. Lakehouse it is. I'll post as soon as I can, but everything is a variable at this point. God forgive me, I can't find Optimus. We will have to leave without him, as much as it tears me up to do so. I haven't seen him since late afternoon yesterday. I can only hope that someone has taken him somewhere, he has his tag on, so here's hoping.

I've never been so scared.

Thu, 22 Sep 2005 03:52:35 GMT

This will probably be the last post I make until after Rita. I'm scared, and I don't know where I or the people I love most will end up. We might go to Mike's parents' house, which is at least north of I-10. Its a sturdy place, but I always worry about trees. I worry about everything. We may end up leaving for who knows where when all is said and done. My mom and the kids may stay here, at my house. They may not. Barbara (not Barbie but my apt. A neighbor) will be staying here, as well as a few others in the neighborhood. I wish them luck. I wish I had some good news. I wish this wasn't happening.

big surprise

Fri, 26 Aug 2005 03:28:26 GMT

Yeah, I'm all out of internets. I don't know when I'll be back. because I don't know whats wrong. Typical, I also know. You know the drill. Call if you need me, same time, same bat channel.

-M

Sophia has gone dry

Fri, 19 Aug 2005 20:13:50 GMT

I like to think it was harvested from Blanche. She would have liked it.

ever play telephone?

Wed, 17 Aug 2005 04:51:14 GMT

We were watching some Law and Order: Molester Hands episode in which these high school girls killed their best friend, and were completely unrepentant. They were very cold, callous even, and Mike commented that the characters seemed two-dimensional because no one could really do that. Then he turned to me and asked, "Girls can't really be that evil to each other, can they?". I just laughed.

Electric Pantomime

Wed, 11 May 2005 07:29:53 GMT

Its all white bread and vanilla here. Things with strings get more play than me.

There can be only one...

Wed, 11 May 2005 00:01:58 GMT

Doom!

Thu, 07 Apr 2005 18:52:01 GMT

It turns out there will be a hybrid eclipse the day Pope John Paul II is to be buried. That's bound to get the crazies going, I'm sure. Are we really so far away from banging pots to chase away the sun eating dragons? It certainly doesn't seem like it, between color coded ohshitometers and trumped up "experts" parading dead saints' prophecies around. Can we please have a world event happen without it meaning the Apocalyse is around the corner? Please?

Sat, 02 Apr 2005 00:41:26 GMT

I'm back, bitches!

Thu, 31 Mar 2005 23:37:41 GMT

Melissa does not currently have internet but will be back as soon as possible. Should you need to reach her, you can call her between 1 and 4 in the afternoon on Friday.

-C

It is doing what now?

Wed, 09 Feb 2005 06:22:57 GMT

Either the worst show ever, or the coolest. Either way, I won't to watch it.

If wishes were stars, you'd be a comet.

Sat, 29 Jan 2005 23:16:15 GMT

Isn't that a fucking terrible title? What does it even mean?
This is purely for my benefit, but so few things are, so indulge me. Those of you that know me best will find this to be a fun little match up game.

Things I wish I had said to people the last time I saw them

I love you. When are you coming home?

Some guy called about your hotel room. No, I don't remember anything else. It was early and you are a dick for passing out my number like its herpes.

So, did you remember where you saw that guitar?

How many drinks does it take to get you naked? I'm not asking for me, I'm taking a poll. I swear.

So this is the last time I will see you in a really long time, possibly ever. Come on; tell me one more terribly tasteless joke for old times' sake.

Be lucky you got me when I was young and stupid, because a year from now I won't give guys like you the time of day. And shut up about the Beth thing, because you arranged it.

Take your cds, because they are just going to collect dust over here.

I will never forget you. When you feel that you have done nothing good in life, remember me and think before you act.

It takes more than a moment of regret to make up for all this. Oh, and watch out for boxes.

I think you are beautiful, and I can't read Alice in Wonderland without thinking of you.

I'm on my way.

Don't forget me. In many ways, you were stronger than I ever was. And God hates ravers. You don't want to piss off God, do you?

Your red hair, while nice, makes up for none of your faults. Coming from me, that should sting.

You are too cool to hang out with these guys. Seriously. Aragorn the kitten? Damn that’s dorky.

I may add to this later, because it’s cathartic.

Only once a year

Mon, 24 Jan 2005 19:22:47 GMT

Happy Birthday to me. Surely the following gives me livejournal street cred.

'I don't like Monday 24 January'

Misery is expected to peak on Monday, as 24 January has been pinpointed as the worst day of the year.

January has been long regarded as the darkest of months, but a formula from a part-time tutor at Cardiff University shows it gets even worse this Monday.

Foul weather, debt, fading Christmas memories, failed resolutions and a lack of motivation conspire to depress, Cliff Arnalls found.

GPs say exercise and reading up on depression are ways to beat the blues.

"Yes, we do see lots of people with depression and anxiety in the winter months.

"The message is it's not a terrible disorder, people do get better," Royal College of General Practictioners spokesman Dr Alan Cohen said.

JANUARY BLUES DAY FORMULA

1/8W+(D-d) 3/8xTQ MxNA. Where:

W: Weather

D: Debt

d: Money due in January pay

T: Time since Christmas

Q: Time since failed quit attempt

M: General motivational levels

NA: The need to take action

"Exercise and bibliotherapy - reading a number of books to allow people to understand their own symptoms and how to control them," were initial treatments, he said.

The formula for the day of misery reads 1/8W+(D-d) 3/8xTQ MxNA.

Where W is weather, D is debt - minus the money (d) due on January's pay day - and T is the time since Christmas.

Q is the period since the failure to quit a bad habit, M stands for general motivational levels and NA is the need to take action and do something about it.

Dr Arnalls calculated the effects of cold, wet and dark January weather after the cosiness of Christmas coupled with extra spending in the sales.

He found 24 January was especially dangerous, coming a whole month after Christmas festivities.

Any energy from the holiday had worn off by the third week of January, he said.

By Monday, most people will have fallen off the wagon or abandoned the nicotine patches as they fail to keep New Year's resolutions.

That compounds a sense of failure and knocks confidence needed to get through January.

The fact that the most depressing day fell on a Monday was not planned but a coincidence, he said.

Link to original here

Wed, 12 Jan 2005 21:48:34 GMT

Ok, so here's the deal. I have a haiku in a contest on www.homeofthesampler.com. It's #5. Part of me thinks its unfair to tell everyone I know to go vote for me, part of me wants to win. So I will say this; If you have a minute, go there and read them. If you like mine, please vote for it. Thanks.

you bet your sweet ass its vapid

Wed, 12 Jan 2005 04:52:18 GMT

How shallow of me.

This, this ,this , and this. And many skeins of this. I anticipate a very knitting heavy birthday, can you tell? and now I feel all slutty.

Stream of Consciousness? Or Just Lunacy?

Fri, 31 Dec 2004 11:08:42 GMT

Another fucking year. I’m lonely. Obviously, I’m casting my emotions to the ether here. I have plenty of friends, don’t I? Sure I do. Maybe just not the right kinds. Where is everyone now? Where is everyone at 5 in the morning, when all I can do is pace and try not to wake Mike? I remember late nights and people that fit me like the groove in your favorite chair. Things change. People grow up, up and apart, don’t they? I wish I had a girl to love. This town is bogged down by countless memories. Sometimes I feel like I can do nothing but remember, that I am stuck in a loop of what was vs. what needs to be. Ugh. I feel stupid and ugly and all the things people feel when left to their own devices for too long. Most of all, I feel weak. Because of this. Because I am going to post this, and maybe people will read, and maybe they won’t but I hope they don’t and I know I am going to post it anyway. Did I mention I want a girl to love? Some beautiful someone to understand and piece me back together. But it doesn’t work that way because I am someone’s beautiful someone that has to reassemble. As I write this, I criticize my own melodrama. That’s a terrible thing to do, though. What sort of society finds emotions laughable? I digress. Actually, this whole thing is a digression. It is well past my bedtime.

Optimus is sleeping off a coke binge like a good model.

Mon, 20 Dec 2004 20:00:40 GMT

My second scarf. pockets on both ends. M for Mathlete.

do the Black Van Scramble

Thu, 09 Dec 2004 10:05:52 GMT

After what seemed like forever, the computer has been moved out of the bedroom. Sharing a computer is bad enough (I'm sure some of you cringe at the thought of that) but sharing a desk is even worse. It's amazing how much love and understanding can be tested by mysterious stacks of paper that are certain to contain exactly what one has torn apart the rest of the house for. Nevertheless, it’s nice to be back in my little corner, surrounded by dozens of crucial bits of office flotsam that I never appreciated before.

Knitting is going well, though I am dodging it a bit right now. The devil is firmly entrenched in the details, really. My Mad Knitting Skillz hardly deserves the edgy z. However, I imagine it could be my ticket to popularity, as making clothes from string will be a marketable skill when the Revolution comes. Just kidding. I’ll be in it for the money.

Speaking of the revolution, how fucking terrible is this? Notice the author of the original article. Yes, it’s that Tucker Carlson. You know, the bowtie wearing lapdog? If you don’t, consider yourself lucky. I can’t find a link to the actual Talk magazine article to verify the authenticity of this, but honestly, how do you make shit like this up? You know, I once felt sorry for the President. His speeches were like watching a special ed. kid in a porno (you remember this). It looks like it felt good for both of them, the drool and blank smiles are testaments to that, but they didn’t really understand their actions, did they? It doesn’t matter. I can’t think of anything less appealing than stepping in a big pile of politics in my livejournal. I’ll keep my to myself.